To purchase shorts is summer is a task
Best suited to the patient and the mad,
For store employees shrug whenever asked,
And point you at the clearance racks. Too bad
Your choices there are generally restricted
To Daisy Dukes with with rhinestone snaps in sizes
Too small and large and with odd flaws afflicted-
Predicting fit’s a futile exercise.
Attempting your size guesstimates in styles
That actually expose a bit of knee,
And finding one -hooray!- that isn’t vile,
Means plunking plastic down in victory.
I hope the pearls I wear with them begin
To downplay my resemblance to Huck Finn.